you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
