there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
