Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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