you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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