Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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