2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You are a booty call, not a friend.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
