Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
