I want to make a zoo with you.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
