He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
