If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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