So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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