I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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