he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
