I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
