He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
