All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just google imaged poop.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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