I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
