my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My life is pants optional.
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