i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
