So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
