I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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