if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
