I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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