We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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