I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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