Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
