i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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