hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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