the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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