There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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