Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
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