If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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