Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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