I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
