I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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