Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
