WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
