4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
