Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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