she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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