My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Someone shattered a urinal.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Vodka?
Forever.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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