I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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