I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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