I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
