Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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