some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
