i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The struggles of a small town man whore
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