ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
