I'm gonna have a badass scar
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
