swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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